


A Deal With God

by shadowgamed (humanyubel)



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Canon - Manga, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Child Neglect, Dark Side of Dimensions, Dependency Issues, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Melancholy, Mokuba centric, Morally Ambiguous Character, Prayer, Prideshipping, Protective Siblings, Random & Short, i literally write exclusively genderfluid mokuba but he/him for this story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 00:35:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20844638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanyubel/pseuds/shadowgamed
Summary: Mokuba watches his brother break his heart anew every day.





	A Deal With God

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nsfwnoses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nsfwnoses/gifts).

> Tell me we both matter, don't we...?

Mokuba had never believed in the existence of any god. 

After all, what deity got off on his brother’s suffering? What deity had any right to put the both of them through the hell they’d endured in their youth?

No, Mokuba knew mankind’s nature and their perverse inclination to be wretched at every step.

Trauma didn’t make kind people. That was clear to see in both of them.

For so many years Seto had been vindictive, cruel, and neglectful. 

While Gozaburo had never laid a hand on him, Seto had seen to it that he hadn’t… Mokuba didn’t escape their step-father unscathed.

It’s been years since he attempted to take Atem’s finger, but the thoughts and feelings remain fresh in his mind. Resurfacing with a vengeance every time his brother finally stumbles to bed after countless hours of being more awake than anyone should be able to be.

If the need ever arose he would tear Atem down from the heavens himself and make him pay, as much as he admired Atem, and would do so with a smile. 

No matter what he did in the future his past would never be undone. No matter how good he was, it wouldn’t magically mend every jagged edge.

He and his brother had been fitted in the same mold.

For all the wrong his brother has done, Seto remains his favorite person. He has lied, cheated, and been a spiteful menace throughout his teens… but deep down he is still the adoring big brother who had given everything for him. 

As much as it pains him, it’s Mokuba’s time to return the favor.

Atem had returned his brother to him, but for a hefty price. And as much as he's luxuriated in his brother's presence, Mokuba's finally due to pay. 

As his brother wasted away Mokuba found himself remembering the good. Though the bad far outnumbered every positive memory by a considerable amount, he shook the feelings way with a smile.

Instead of thinking about the slow and steady decline of Seto’s lovely personality at the hands of Gozaburo, he would remember Seto’s soft laughter following Mokuba acting out for attention.

When he closes his eyes and thinks of his brother, all he can envision is a much younger version of Seto. Seto’s shy smile and watery blue eyes clear as the ocean as they played chess together.

Mokuba can imagine himself as he is now, on the verge of manhood with shoulders held back and a confident tilt to his head, pulling that Seto into his arms and never releasing him. 

Seto had held him in his arms in their youth when it should have been their parents. When Mokuba was too heavy for any grade-schooler to be carrying on their hip, back bowing under his weight, but never protesting.

Seto had a need to hold just as great as Mokuba’s unending desire to be comforted in his brother’s scrawny arms.

When the world was too much Seto would smile and hold his arms out for Mokuba to run into. He was an endless source of comfort.

He smiles more than he ever has before, but they never reach his eyes. He acts out for laughs while dutifully matching his brother stride for stride.

Mokuba watches his brother break his heart anew every day.

He gathers the pieces of Seto’s heart at the end of each long day and places them back together with skilled hands, squeezing tight to seal his hard work until the next day comes. Mokuba is an experienced craftsman and his work nearly flawless, he always misses the Atem shaped pinhole in his project. He can never seal it fully but he tries to paint over any crack.

But Atem occupies his brother's heart, unhappy in its confines. Shattering his home with the vastness of very being.

The cycle repeats without fail. More reliable than clockwork.

He lays awake at night, tossing and turning, praying that just this once-- that just this once there will be no tomorrow. 

He hates and loves Atem. Fears and admires the man. 

Every day Mokuba looks into the mirror he finds himself looking more and more like his brother. _ Will it be enough? _

_ “Your happiness is mine,” _he says every time without fail. And it’s true. If his brother can be happy he’ll endure anything. 

But it’s been ages since he’s seen him crack a smile much less be genuinely happy.

Atem is more terrifying than a black hole- than the endless nothing of nonexistence. 

Only Atem has the power to steal Seto’s smile and hold it nestled inside an ornate heart-shaped box.

Only Atem can ensnare his big brother’s soul and never release him.

The AI his brother had so carefully constructed to bring his memories to life hadn’t been enough. 

Where there was love in his craft, the love was for a man who had left Seto in the dust.

The man he had mistakenly believed to understand Seto as well as he did hadn’t realized his brother’s longing, heated stares.

Hadn’t known he’d been handed Seto’s heart on a silver platter with all the flourish and trust as a trump card exchanged across the battlefield.

These thoughts keep Mokuba up at night. Far too many questions and torturous thoughts racing through his mind, leaving scorch trails in their wake. 

He’ll support his brother in any and every endeavor… even spitting in the face of the endless cosmos.

If that’s what it takes to return to the man Seto loved. Nevermind his own conflicting cocktail of emotions for his brother’s rival and debatably, his only friend.

He’s on Earth in the command room while his brother is in his space station. The distance between them not only physical in nature. 

Mokuba takes in every detail of his brother’s face, wondering if this will be the last time he sees passionate sapphire eyes. Wondering if Seto intends to abandon him for a chance of happiness.

And then that morbid thought is quickly discarded. Seto would walk backwards into hell for him. He knew his brother would never leave without a way to come back to him. 

Seto will always return to him no matter what. He knows this for a fact and takes comfort in it.

But his rational mind can’t rein in his anxious heart. 

Seto’s eyes are distant, thoughts of what’s to come no doubt filling his overeager mind.

“Be careful... are you sure you want to do this… we haven’t started any trial runs.” but he knows his brother has the utmost faith in his technology, in himself.

And Mokuba has complete faith in his brother.

“Be careful. You… you’ll come back soon, right? Promise you’ll come back in one piece, big brother.” 

Seto says nothing. 

His face is neutral but Mokuba can see the excited tremor in his fingertips, the spark of life in his eyes.

His brother will chase death until he conquers it. His endurance outweighs any natural order.

And then he fades from view in a flash of golden light.

Mokuba collapses in the command room after the last scientist files out. He can’t feel his knees or his palms as they hit the cold, hard floor. He’s trembling all over. 

Tears fill his eyes, the levee breaks and he cries for the first time since Atem’s departure. 

He’s Seto’s rock but eventually every rock crumbles. Enraged sobs and animalistic grunts force themselves from his throat. 

He swears and spits venom at the memory of a man who has given and taken everything from him. 

Damns him to hell in the same breath as he pleads for his brother’s return.

Mokuba stares into his muddled reflection in the glossy floor. Cheeks flushed a splotchy red and snot dripping down his face.

He still looks like a child, no matter what he wears. No matter how much he grows.

His knees shake as he forces himself off of his hands to straighten up, just a little, in an effort to regain a shred of dignity. 

Hot tears streaming down his face, cries quieted. He looks nothing like Seto in this moment. 

Seto cries like a marble statue, dignified and silent and so very, very still.

This is all he will have until Seto returns to him.

Yugi had told him shortly after the whole mess with Diva, in hushed tones, that Atem isn’t like them… Not any more. He is divine, as he _ should _ be, and surely was listening.

Alone in a world void of his beloved brother Mokuba bargains with a god that has failed him just as many times as he’s fulfilled his wishes.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i listened to the meg myers cover of "running up that hill".  
[please listen while reading for full effect](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LR7VvxWWpo) (slight flashing warning but its a lot less than the official music video)


End file.
